Family Lawyer, Emily Konicek gives her expert opinion.

Will i ever be free of you

Throughout my career, I’ve met and counseled many women and men who believe they cannot survive a divorce. You can, and you will, but it might not be easy. Coming to terms with a divorce, particularly following a tumultuous marriage that has left one or both partners feeling unvalued, unloved and unwanted. I frequently recommend that my clients read about what others have gone through (and how they have persevered), and reflecting on what went wrong to avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.

Bitter Divorce

Many – okay, most – divorces are hardly conflict free, especially when there are children involved. Battling out the details of a divorce can be extremely difficult and exhausting for all involved. Will I Ever Be Free of You? is a guide to helping you through the divorce, even when your former partner is intent on making it extremely difficult. It defines the classic narcissist, and how he or she can wear you down and leaving you feeling less than whole. Through real life scenarios, you will learn effective steps for taking back your life and moving forward in a healthier manner. The book also offers sound, practical advice for navigating the court system and protecting children when a divorce turns nasty.Crazy time

Divorcing Today

Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life will walk you through the stages of the dissolution of a marriage, such as the final confrontation – the moment yo
u knew the relationship could not be salvaged – and the ensuing feelings of anger, depression and even relief. It’s so chock full of personal experiences that anyone can find something to relate to. The author not only went through a painful divorce, she’s interviewed countless others about their own experiences and feelings. The book is also in its third edition, so it’s up to date about the external factors that negatively impact a marriage in today’s society. You’ll also learn about being single again in a modern environment, where the Internet and dating sites have changed how we now meet and mingle.

It is a common misconception that we can effectively manage our own feelings and, at the same time, help our loved ones survive and thrive during a divorce. But I’ve found that by referring my clients to either or both of these books, they are able to gain a deeper understanding of the multitude of emotions everyone experiences when their marriage comes to an end. And, through a greater awareness, they are able to pick up the pieces faster and chart a new course that will help them achieve personal peace as they begin their new normal.

 

New York Times Bestseller: Willpower

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Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, by John Tierney and Roy F. Baumeister, is an eye-opening read. The co-authors combine their articulate writing style and insightful scientific knowledge to produce a book that is simultaneously deep and rigorous, while managing to remain accessible to a wide audience. The end
result is a book that will undoubtedly change many lives for the better.

The book addresses willpower as a finite resource. Like the gas in your vehicle, it will only last for a certain amount of time before it needs to be replenished. As a result, willpower must be managed and accounted for, just like any other finite resource. Although many people probably understand this intuitively, it’s a concept that’s worth repeating. All too often, we are (understandably) focused on our day-to-day needs, deadlines, anxieties, and so on. We forget to take a macro view of our lives and what we choose to expend our limited self-control on.

One part of the book that particularly impacted my thinking was when they discussed the various diversions and distractions that people inadvertently waste their limited willpower on. The book highlighted some examples of things that we don’t traditionally associate with willpower, but still deplete that incredibly valuable commodity. For example, a sports fan might not consider supporting their favorite team as something that requires any willpower. But, in fact, such preoccupations deplete glucose, the molecule that fuels our willpower.

If you’re familiar with any of Baumeister’s previous books, you know that he tends to be exceptionally rigorous with his research. That trend certainly continues with this book. For example, he analyzes the famous Stanford marshmallow test of the 1970s and its relevance to our current understanding of willpower. However, despite the ample effort devoted to meticulously researching the subject matter, most readers will find this book easier to digest than his previous works.

Even though this is wholeheartedly recommend to anyone interested in bettering themselves, it is not without its drawbacks. Sometimes the book seems as if it is presuming that everyone wants to maximize the efficiency of their daily output, without any regard for happiness or well-being. For most people, it is believed to have self-control and indulgence as two sides of a delicate balancing act. The book seems to focus on maximizing the former without any regard for the latter. There are also some conclusions drawn that don’t necessarily follow from the evidence presented.

Pros:

• Very informative book with tons of potential for practical application
• Accessible for casual readers
• Meticulously researched

Cons:

• Doesn’t address the need to balance willpower and indulgence
• A few of the conclusions may be questionable

In conclusion, any shortcomings are easy to overlook with all the value this book offers. In an era where everyone is looking for some quick and easy life hack, the real “hack” may be understanding our own body chemistry.